Adolescence psychology is a science and quite difficult to understand in one 300 word article.
To add to parents woes, its an ever evolving science too. Every teen is unique and every unique behaviour needs to be dealt with differently. To begin with, Education Finders will give you ways or words that will help you understand them better and help them hear you wisely.
- Being right doesn’t hold any importance if you’re not being heard.
Like in any adult relationship, you have to hear and be heard. Words like; “let’s hear you first, then you hear me out and finally we will discuss what the best option here is” or “would you like to discuss more ways / easier ways of getting what you need”.
- Adolescence isn’t easy and won’t be similar to what you went through either.
Most times what may look easy to you might not be from where they are standing. Don’t judge any situation from your point of view. In fact don’t judge at all, because in the new age generation, you would be clueless about what they feel and need, if you compare it to yours.
Be patient, give them what they need – information, guidance, and support – to feel confident. “I may not be able to understand but I will support your decision” or “this seems like a difficult decision but I’m sure you know what you need to do really goes a long way than being condescending.
- Their behaviour rises out of situations and not character.
Understand why they would do what they are doing instead of trying to correct it all the time. They need someone who trusts them being independent and not someone who corrects their path at all times.
“I don’t understand what you’re getting out of doing that but I know you’ve probably got a good reason. What I also know is there’s a safer / better / more appropriate way to get what you need. But first you have to figure out what it is that you need.”
- Trust must be earned – this is the correct age to teach that.
The more you can trust them, the more freedom you can give them, so it’s a reward not inheritance. “I would like your phone to be available to me at all times and I will only call you when there is a dire need”.
“If you tell me what happened and why, I will understand but you have to be honest with me for me to do that”
- Every behaviour is a key to a need.
During adolescence, teens can be defiant, test the limits, experiment, engage in risky behaviour, withdraw, show hostility and we keep wondering what the heck? Meet their need and the behaviour will change.
Instead of asking why they are behaving the way they are, ask “what happens to them physically and emotionally” or “I don’t approve of your behaviour but I’m sure you have a good reason for it”.
“I can help you find a better solution” or “I get that the world is asking a lot of you right now and it’s probably really tempting to want to hide away from it. But this isn’t the best solution and maybe I can help”.
Words really have the power to change relationships and using them right at this critical stage of your child’s life will go a long way in building not just your relationship with them but their character as whole.